I wasn’t even aware of Sleep Awareness Week, until Thrive Global sent an email about it. It looked funny initially but invited me to reflect on my relationship with sleep.

When I was in my early 30’s, I thought my life was close to an end.

For whatever reason, I had a premonition that I was going to die at age 34. Why? I never asked myself.

But that premonition haunted me for many years.

And it damaged my relationship with sleep.

Life, Death and Sleep

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” — Warren Zevon

Sleep was my enemy: it was stealing my remaining productive time.

Life felt short. I wanted to seize every waking moment. Sleeping seemed like a waste of time. Every hour I slept meant one hour less that I could use to do something. To achieve something before I died.

I remember working on a big project all night through. Going home to take a shower to then back to the office to present. Or going out and then going back to work without any sleep at all. This was more common than not.

I Didn’t Die. Now, I Have a Sleeping Problem

As you can tell, I didn’t die at age 34. Sleep and I became best friends again.

Until the “quality” of my sleep became a problem.

It was in my 40’s when I started having a hard time sleeping well. I mean, I slept regularly, but I didn’t get any rest. The more I thought about it, the worse my sleep quality became.

I went to the doctor. I was worried.

As far as I can remember, I never had trouble sleeping. When I thought I was going to die, I saw sleep as an enemy. But not even that affected the quality of my sleep. I just felt it wasn’t worth it.

I can’t even remember any life event that might have affected my sleep. When I separated from my first wife. Or the loss of my grandfather that was more like a father to me. Or when I broke my leg and had to sleep with an uncomfortable long cast. Or when I got lost in the woods and my life was in real danger. Or when I went through the worst work day ever.

Not even when I quit my comfortable job at age 50 to launch a startup, affected my ability to get a good night’s sleep.

So, what happened back then?

Scuba Diving Is Not a Bed Sport

After several physical check-ups, nothing seemed to be wrong with me physically. My doctor recommended a sleep study as the right next step. It seemed fine at first, but then the idea didn’t feel right to me.

I talked to my friends. Soon I found out that many have gone through that same diagnosis and treatment. Everyone described the sleep test as a painful experience.

Not just the wiring and the discomfort of someone watching and monitoring how you sleep.

The aftermath was the real problem.

Everyone that went through a sleep study, was diagnosed with a sleep disorder. And the recommended treatment was the same: to sleep with an oxygen mask.

I’m an avid scuba diver, so breathing through a mask wasn’t the problem. But, sleeping with scuba equipment on is a different conversation. Of course, I’m exaggerating. Yet, it felt counterintuitive to add a mask to an act that should be more natural.

I cancelled my sleep study. I wanted to find the real cause, not just silence the symptom (or my snores, for that matter).

Was I suffering from a real sleep disorder? Or was my state of mind no right?

Want to Sleep Better? Get Rid of The Mask

Last month, my wife and I went on vacation to Patagonia. The hotel was right in front of a lake. I could see the mountains right from the bed. I slept like a baby.

So, what happened?

It wasn’t the bed. It was nice, but not superior to the one I have at home. The view and being on vacation definitely helped. But the difference was in my head.

I forgot about sleep problems. I enjoyed my sleep.

That’s precisely my point. My problem with sleep had nothing to do with my health or technology.

Bed with numbers, memory-foam mattresses, sleep apps, body pillows, oxygen masks… all these became mainstream recently.

By over-intellectualizing our relationship with sleep, we removed the joy of sleeping.

Most people in the world sleep in “regular” beds. Yet, they still have a healthy relationship with sleep. One that is emotional, driven by joy.

Their relationship with sleep hasn’t been over-intellectualized like ours. Their brains haven’t been rewired to think than an external solution will improve their sleep.

Sleeping had never been a real problem in my life. But when sleep became one, everything seemed to be the cause. Do I need a better bed? Do I need an oxygen mask? Do I have sleep apnea? Shall I purchase a sleep app and start monitoring how I sleep?

That just added more worries to my bedtime.

The more I think about having to fall asleep as fast as possible, the more time I will spend looking at the ceiling.

The problem was inside me, not outside. I had a mental problem with sleep.

And I had to change that.

Tools for A Better Sleep. Upgrades Are Free.

“I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.”

The most important lesson is that sleep is about letting go. I went through hard times but those didn’t affect my sleep. I realized I couldn’t do anything about those hard times.

If someone died, I couldn’t change the outcome. If I was feeling miserable at work, the only way to change that was to find a more rewarding job. Not sleeping would only make things worse.

I reconnected with my ability to delete memories. And that makes us happier.

We all need the strength to face our whole life, not just the “easy” moments. To enjoy both the great moments as well as cope with those that are not that good.

Sleeping is about treating us with care. We all need –and deserve- to hit the reset button.

Don’t sleep because you must, learn to love it. Enjoy that time. Your mind and body will thank you. When I wake up refreshed, I regain perspective. My ability to find solutions to my problems is much more accurate. My perspective feels amplified.

Reconnect with your body. Follow your internal time, not the one the clock dictates. Building a routine of waking up at the same time helps a lot. Don’t expect all nights to be good ones. Be kind to yourself.

Prepare for sleep. Start decelerating your mind at least half an hour before you go to bed. Turn off the TV, stop checking emails or trying to find your life’s purpose on Facebook.

Unclutter your sleep space. It’s been a while since my phone and I have slept together. I keep it on a leash, in a different room. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I won’t fall in the temptation of checking it.

Keep your mind in sleep mode. If you wake up in the middle of the night, take it as something normal. Don’t think about what woke you up, that will turn your mind on. Take a deep breath. Take a glass of water or milk. Enjoy the pleasure of getting back to bed. And back to sleep.

Remember the only problem with sleep is in your mind.

Recover the emotional connection with sleep. Regain the joy of sleeping.

I’m not sleep expert. Just take this as advice.

Advice from someone who thought sleep was an enemy, until he didn’t die.